Well, shit. I just spent the better part of 1.5 days trying to figure out why a widget wasn’t working only to discover that I HADN’T CLOSED THE BODY AND HTML TAGS at the end of the footer.
How did I miss it? How did I figure it out. Stripped the whole theme back to the BLANK theme and sequentially added things until it broke. Once I added the footer the widget stopped working. Bloody hell.
Cool things are happening! I can now add widgets to pretty much anywhere! This means that if I need special functionality I should be able to use a widget instead of frigging around with the functions.php file.